Grace is not my middle name

I am a known klutz. For real. I find bruises constantly on my body. The other morning I woke up and found one on my shoulder. How does one even go about acquiring a bruise on their shoulder? I have no clue. Nor do I know where this one came from. I also trip. A lot. Most times, I trip and there is nothing to even trip over. Like, just walking down the street/hall/whatever and then - BAM!- I'm stumbling. It's kind of amazing. I also drop things for no reason. Today, for instance, I am heating up my lunch (sidenote: I didn't want to eat my lunch today. I had made the gross chicken last night and didn't finish it because it's gross but couldn't make myself throw it out so I was going to make myself eat the leftovers today). I heat this Tupperware container of crap in the microwave in the little break room and stop it and stir it and do everything that you should do to heat things evenly. I start to take it out and then somehow just drop it. All over the counter. It's got rice. This means the rice is EVERYWHERE. Little rice pellets on the counter, in the sink, on the floor. And the sink has no disposal. What does this matter? Oh, just that I have to proceed to scoop out every single piece of chicken and rice with my hands. Lovely. Now, you may be asking how one drops a whole bowl of chicken and rice? I have no clue. There was no reason, nothing that startled me into a such a state that I drop the bowl, no heat coming from the bowl that was so hot that it burned my hands, no airhorn blaring in my ear to make me throw up my hands and hence spilling rice all over. Nope. Just a huge mess of a lady, throwing her lunch all over, colleagues watching me in awe. I have decided that from now on, I will velcro my hands like 2 large Nerf mitts and then velcro all of my utensils so that this may never again happen. Oh! And, as I dropped everything all over, I curse. In a school. I'm such an aswesome person.

On a lighter note, I had to stay late at the jobby job today. Yuck. When I finaly fight off the butthead drivers and make it to mi casa, I decide that I should go for a run. As soon as I am thinking this, I also decide that I need wine. The day has definitely warranted this, right? I hate getting in my car after I get home. I mean, I live in an awesome place where you can walk to whatever you may need so it makes me feel guilty to drive. plus I absolutely HATE driving so why even get in the car if not necessary? So I can't decide - run or go to the store, run or go to the store, run or go to the store? That's when it happens. I get the most brilliant idea ever. I decide to go on a run around the Capital and then RUN TO THE LIQUOR STORE!!! It's brilliant! I get my fitness on and I also get my drink on without having to get in my car! Wonderful. I am the world's greatest problem solver ever.

Chicken little

I'm seriously not good at cooking. I would lovenothing more in the world than to be an awesome cook, whipping up delicious meals from scratch and serving them piping hot. But I am not. Wait- I take that back. I can make some really great side dishes and bake the poo out of some desserts but when it comes to cooking meat, I suck. I can do ground meat and make some mean tacos. Chicken? Steak? Probably pork? (I don't know about the pork. I've never really tried it.) What is my deal?!?!? I need to get it together. Tonight, I made some chicken. It sucked. It was kind of tough and lacking flavor. Thank the Lord that I made some delicious rice that I stirred it in because that was the only thing that saved the poor chicken. Ugh. It's such a pain! Girls are supposed to be able to cook, but not this girl. I make a really great salad, appetizer, dessert, everything but when it comes to the main part I just spaz out and make some mediocore meat. It probably doesn't help that I really dislike touching raw meat and I can barely handle it without gagging. Maybe I need to take a cooking class. That could be my thing - cooking class lady. We'll see.

What to get your sweetheart this year

I'm kind of crazy and (when I can) I like to run early in the morning before work. This is very early. Like 5 in the morning early. In the summer, I run outside because it's actually pleasant but lately here it's been about 30 in the mornings before warming up in the afternoon. Clearly, I did not make it on a run outside today but instead decided to go with the trusty old treadmill. Since running on a treadmill is soooooooo boring, I always turn on the TV if there's nobody down there. Obviously, I didn't have to worry about this today so on went the TV. Now, I'm sure everyone has at one time or another turned on the TV a little too early and gotten to catch some AWESOME infomercials. I mean, besides CNN and the rainbow screen + "beeeeeeeeeeeeeep," that's about all you can get. I guess since it's so close to Valentine's day, all the holiday-specific companies have decided to get on with their infomercial making selves. First, I flip to a channel and this is on:



If you've never seen this, it is Yoga Booty Ballet. I've actually seen this before and seriously, I cannot stop saying it like a million times every time I see it. Not too weird, I guess but I flip the channel and this is the next one I see:



Perfect for that special lady (especially when you're pushing 30) ...... A BEAR!! And, not just any bear but a "Love Bandit" bear. If I got this from LP, I would seriously die laughing. I mean, a teddy bear? It's so spectacularly wonderfully dorky, I can't wait until someone I know actually gets this as a present.

Last but most definitely not least was this tasty nugget:



Yup. "Male enhancement." At 5 in the morning. That will definitely wake you up!!!!

I hope this helped all of you decide what to get your special someone on this upcoming holiday season.

Grossness

I make up things for myself to do when I'm alone. Not only that, I act like they are things that HAVE to be done right away. For instance, today I decided that I absolutely HAD to move the couch and sweep under it. You see, I have cement floors (ooooo, so trendy) and Emma doesn't know how to use her litter box so when she gets out of her little box, she just jumps out all crazy-like and scatters the little litter pebbles all after her. Then, since I have the awesome cement floor, the little litter pebbles roll and bounce their way all over my floor. Sometimes, I find them in the bathroom. Which is as far from the box as possible. (*This isn't saying much, seeing as I have an apartment the size of some peoples' offices*) Ok, back to what I made myself do today. Sooo, decide today that I shold move the couch completely out of the way and vacuum under it. I move it and GROSSNASTYSICK! There were little litter pebbles, hairballs (mine and Emma's), crumbs, parts of her food, parts of my food. there was even a little plastic toy (sometimes I get toys at work that I bring home - I'm a nerd). Ewwwww! Word to the wise - check under your couch from time to time. Ya never know what you'll find!


Side note: I have no idea how to post pictures on this thingy. I WILL FIGURE IT OUT. I just need some time and we'll get it together here!

In my head

When I was running today, I started thinking about when I go to visit LP in DC. I have what people call "secret plans" all the time in my head. These are things that I plan but don't tell anyone about until later. I get made fun of a lot because I'll have a whole day planned out from what to eat to places to go. Anyway, my plan today was about my upcoming trip to DC. I think I'm going to go during my spring break (hooray school!) in the middle of the week and stay through the weekend. The only problem with this is that LP will be working during the week so I have to think up things to do. So, today I decided to plan what I would do while he was at work one day. Here's the secret day I planned:
- Get up
-Go running around the neighborhood
-Get some coffee on the way back
-Shower and get ready
-Walk to LP's work and meet him for lunch
-We eat lunch at somewhere and it is delicious
-He goes back to work
-I walk (or take the subway) to the zoo
-I check out the monkeys
-I meet back up with LP
-We have a drink at a bar he usually goes to
-We go eat dinner at a place he's been wanting to go to for a while
-We go home

Sounds nice, right? I was really proud of my secret plan and I cannot wait to actually do it. I'll let you allknow if the reality is as fun as it was in my head.

Counting down

So, I'm counting down until my very special bf leaves for DC. Sigh. I'm super pumped for him- he will have a job again (yay!), it's something he really wants to do, and it's in a really cool city. Flip side is I am going to miss him. Sigh. It sometimes feels like we will seriously never be in the same city, although the good thing is that this time we are not dating other people. That sucked, so I'm psyched I don't have to go through that again and I know he isn't either! I will write more on this later I'm sure, but it's gonna have to wait until he's gone so that I can spend time with him now!

Street folk

SO, this is definitely not my thing. Blogging, that is. But it is 2009 so maybe it WILL be my new thing. We will just have to wait and see.

Ok, I have a problem. I live downtown and I've always tried to be nice to the homeless and crazies around in hopes that we could be friends and they could look out for me and we could be friends. Kind of. Anyway, that is not working out for me. First, we had the guy who blew me a zerbert. Next, we have a lady who, as LP and I are walking down the street, looks straight at me and yells, "STAY OUT OF MY F'ING BUSINESS, B****!!!" I swear, I didn't even look at her or anything. Then yesterday, we're walking around and we walk past this guy. He's looking like he might hit on me or try and molest me or something, but as we get right next to each other he looks at me and says, "Hey asshole." What??? Why would someone say that? I didn't even do or say anything!! Oh, street people. Why won't you let me love you?!?!?!