I'm leavin', on a jet plane....

Hey guys! I'm gonna try to blog about my trip so that I can write it and you can check it if ya want! Obviously, I've had this thing for a while and I'm a terrible blogger because my posts are months and years apart! Bad blogger!!

What to do, what to do

I understand that my head and heart DO NOT match. Like most people, I want the unattainable, the things I can't have, the unreachables. My head is in one corner, screaming at me about what a moron I am. It tells me not to pick up that phone, not dial those numbers, not to wait as the phone rings and definitely not to leave that message. My smart little brain rationalizes every action that is a mistake and tells me why it is a mistake. It replays all the things I have done wrong in that previous moment and lets me know that I should definitely not do that again. Unfortunately, my heart is a weak piece of shit. As my brain tells me not to pick up the phone, my heart tells me that picking up the phone won't hurt anything, dialing the numbers is actually a good idea, waiting for that phone to ring is a great idea and leaving that message us actually smart because it will remind him that I still care. For every action that my brain tells me is a mistake and why, my heart will debate with great fury and passion, telling me how wrong that silly brain is. After replaying each event and the mistakes made, my heart will turn it around and fantasize it to a completely different chain of events. Events that eventually lead to attaining the unattainable.

Sometimes I drink my dinner

Some nights (like tonight), I choose to drink my dinner. This usually entails me starting with "just one glass" and then snowballing into a bottle, sometimes a bottle and a half. Yes, I am a lush. I wonder what other people do when they drink alone? I like to clean and think too much. It's usually stupid thoughts (last week I caught myself in a 10 minute thought about flossing my teeth) but sometimes it's deeper. I usually get to thinking about things that only make me sad and then I get depressed and have to remind myself that this is why I should stop drinking alone, but hey - what are you gonna do? It's interesting because for the most part, I'm a pretty optimistic person. Why do a few glasses of wine turn me into a sobby mess?

On a completely different subject, I watched a little show called Who Wants to be a Superhero? last night. Whoa! This is possibly one of the most insane concepts for a show I've ever heard. I mean, you can never actually BE a superhero. Sure, you can get the outfit and the name and a concept, but you'll never acquire those powers. You'll never be able to solve crimes in a tidy little 20-page story. I get it - the object is to be in a comic book, but you don't write it, it's not really about YOU, so what's the point? It's like having a show about people who want to be a dog, or an alien, or a mermaid. You just can't do it! And these people bounce around and posture in these weird comic-book-like poses when they stand. Like someone has drawn them onto the spot they're standing. Just as bad is Stan Lee. I mean, I thought he was kinda cool, but he's dead serious about this. He makes little "challenges" for them and is really into it. If it wasn't so mesmerizingly ridiculous, it would be kind of sad. Well, if I were on the show, I'd be Miss Sarcasm and my power would be to make fun of anyone, anywhere.

This is it

Well, this is it. I don't have many things to say, and I don't plan on telling anyone I know about this - so there's no point to this other than to get my thoughts out......? Hmmmm, why AM I doing this? I suupose the anonymity works well, plus I deleted my Myspace, so now I need another outlet to be completely self-absorbed. Thus, the blog. It's the last thing I have yet to exhaust. On second thought, maybe I will tell you guys about this.........